Parenting 101 – The Kid Doesn’t Get a Vote!

parenting101 My current attitude is the kid doesn’t get a vote in deciding their activities. I see many parents letting their inexperienced kid decide what activities they want to try. Look, I’m the parent, I decide what happens. If my kid knew what was good for him, he wouldn’t need me. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be required to be responsible for him. He could just leave the nest at 5 years old and take off.

This modern day parenting that people give their children endless choices has limits. I’m the limiting factor. Don’t get me wrong I give my son plenty of choices. But he doesn’t know what’s best for him. He’s new to the world, figuring out how things work and what to do. As his parent I’m his guide and teacher.

So as the guide and teacher I tell him where to go, what to do and I pay the bill. I don’t ask him if he wants to take an enrichment science class. I sign him up and advise him he’s going! If he doesn’t like it, too bad, tough it out kid. If you hate it that much maybe next time I will consider your complaints.

“There’s No Free Lunch!” (my dad’s response to my endless complaints as a kid)

Parenting is about understanding it’s human nature to be resistant to things that are foreign, possibly hard and your parent made you do. We as parents are constantly trying to introduce our children to new things (or we should be). Then we brace ourselves for the possible resistance. Sometimes the resistance is dramatic, but we learn to deal with it. So you have to do your job and tell them too bad you are doing this. They hopefully will thank you later.

I remember when my son first began swim lessons at nine months old. He clung to me and was not a happy camper. I’m sure he was frightened and thought it was the worst thing that happened to him that day. He was screaming and crying. But by the end of that first lesson he was smiling and splashing all around in the water. Now if I let him lead based on his behavior I would have gotten out of that pool. But he didn’t know what was happening. I had to show him that he was about to discover one his favorite activities. My son is now an excellent swimmer and really enjoys swimming.

“Parents have to be the lead, even if you are leading angry troops.”

The activity that taught me the most about my parenting role was when I started my son in soccer at age two. When we got to the field there was a playground adjacent to the field. This was torture for a two-year-old. He wanted to go to the playground. I spent the first six out of eight lessons chasing a two-year-old on the run to the playground for at least half of the lessons. But I decided I paid for eight lessons and eight lessons is what we were doing, come hell or high water. We survived and then the next time I signed him up for soccer he did substantially better. Now at age five he enjoys playing soccer and other organized sports activities.

Sometime this year I plan to start my son in music lessons. I’ve decided I will give my kid options as to what instrument he would like to play. I will not give him the option to opt-out of music lessons. If he decides later he absolutely dislikes playing music, then I will let him give it up. The point is to give him exposure so he can figure out what he enjoys.

Parents I see you. I observe you out there struggling. I’ve seen you walk away from activities because your kid wore you down and you gave in. Parenting isn’t easy. We are all out here trying to do the best we can. But it’s our job to lead them and teach them values. The value of learning to finish what you start even if you don’t love it is more valuable than the activity itself. Thus, I always make my son finish whatever activity I make him start. If he doesn’t like it fine, I won’t sign him up for that again (well maybe ;-)).